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| The first day of your life. The happiest day of mine. |
On the afternoon of November 18, 2012 my daughter started her journey into the world. I started to feel contractions around 3:30pm. I thought it would be good to leave the house, so Manny and I walked down to the electronics store to buy a sim card for Grecia’s iPhone; we also went to the bank to take out money for triple date that evening of dinner and a movie. I walked very slowly because every so often I would have a contraction. Not often, but often enough.
We got back home and prepared for our triple date with Wendy, Kahlil, Josh and Kristy. At some point, my underwear got super wet and I thought it might have been my water breaking, but I doubted that it could really be as such: after all, she was due on Friday, November 23. Yet I continued to feel contractions, but still figured they were Braxton Hicks. I told Manny that I wanted to walk to dinner. I knew it would be good for my body to get the exercise. So we walked, slowly, slowly, since the contractions kept coming. Manny and I walked up Sacramento Street, and we stopped with each contraction, and then continued walking. The cold air was nice, and Japantown beautiful, as always.
We finally arrived at La Mediterrannee, a festive restaurant, decorated in bright colors and decor. I ordered a delicious vegetarian, Mediterranean platter, but throughout the meal I had to leave the table several times in order to have my increasingly intense contractions. I was a little bit embarrassed. The contractions felt like very intense menstrual cramping: as if someone was twisting my insides for one-minute intervals. I spontaneously decided to order a glass of burgundy with dinner in a state of desperation, as I did so I said to the waitress, “I will have a glass of wine, with no judgment please.”
Following dinner, we all walked to the Kabuki Theater, and I walked extremely slowly, but made it. Again, the change in environment was good for me. The movie theater was filled with excited fans, thrilled to see Twilight, Breaking Dawn, Part II. The girls in our group were excited by the mayhem, while the boys all feigned apathy, clutching their flasks of whiskey marked “Twilight Appreciation Tonic.” Our comfortable, large, seats, situated in the middle of a row, concerned me because at this point I knew that I would need to get up frequently for contractions during the film. Manny and I immediately moved to a perfect row in the back corner that allowed us to move up and down freely. At this point, the pain and frequency of the contractions were intensifying and hard to ignore. I went to the bathroom, crying, and called my mom, texted Lea, telling them I thought I might be in labor. I then came back to the theater. Secretly, I knew I this was it, but didn’t want to admit the truth out of terror of what was to come. The movie started and the audience, wild with enthusiasm, screamed and cheered when their heroes came on screen. I left the theater a couple of times in the first 15 minutes, walking around, dealing with the pain, and then returning. However, I quickly told Manny I thought we needed to leave for home.
We left, and slowly walked down Post Street, making our way past the Japantown Pagoda, and noting how amazingly beautiful the structure looked. Manny told me that we were the coolest luckiest people in the world because we were going on this walk and seeing such a beautiful pagoda on this important night. We appreciated where we were: our beloved city of San Francisco on our beloved Post Street. I soon realized that I couldn’t walk all the way home, so we waited for the #2 bus. On the bus, I felt the contractions deeply. Three people got on the bus and I heard a girl say, “That woman is having a baby right now.” I smiled up at her, acknowledging that she was right after passing a contraction. We all laughed and they blessed us with some positive energy, and we got off at Post and Hyde, walking upstairs to our condo quickly.
Enrique, just arrived from PA, was at home shortly after we arrived. We welcomed him as he ate some pork soup and drank wine. I walked in and out of the room as I dealt with my increasingly intense contractions. He soon went in a Sidecar to Marco and Yailin's house and we got straight to actualizing the labor for which we had been preparing. We dimmed all the lights and created a little haven for ourselves. We knew what to do. We had been preparing for and awaiting this day with passion for a long time. We wanted desperately to have a beautiful and natural birth experience in our home, alone. Manny started by blowing up the pink birthing ball, and we put on our “Labor Day” music mix. At the beginning, all I wanted to hear was the “Hypnobabies Birthing Day Affirmations.” They brought me to a calm place and helped me to realize that I could indeed do this and that I had the power to have the birth that I wanted to have. I started to feel powerful, meditative, and calm. We used many positions to get through the contractions. The contractions felt like overwhelmingly powerful cramps that took over my entire body. I went on my hands and knees, used the birthing ball to lean on, did slow dancing with Manny, used the shower and birthing ball in conjunction, and went into a spoon position on the bed. As they increased in frequency, my ability to communicate lessened. Manny helped me through each and every contraction and was there for me every step of the way. During contractions, he used acupressure points to push on my sacrum and this did wonders to relieve the pain. I held onto a comb or placed a heating or ice pad on areas of my body, which helped. In between contractions, Manny fed me water and always recorded everything on our contraction application.
We decided earlier that we did not want to call the doula to come to the house, but did alert her I was in labor. We also called the midwife and she listened to me have a contraction on the phone, and told us to stay put, that Manny should not check my dilation, and that we should come in when the contractions were three minutes apart. The IPhone app became important as a lifeline to knowing when to go to the hospital, but it was hard to deal with the app in the middle of the contractions: To attend to the anguished pregnant woman, or push buttons on a phone? That was the question. Eventually we put new music on- Manny, sick of the affirmations, needed something fresh, and I did too. This time it was more Indian style mantras- a welcome change. In between contractions I became overwhelmingly tired and could barely move or talk. My body felt like it was on Ecstasy in that I felt amazing with endorphins and serotonin pumping through my body. Super high. Whoa. Words garbled and thoughts malleable, standing up was a task. At this point, we did the contractions from the bed or the couch because I couldn’t move.
Eventually realizing the contractions were about every 2.5 minutes we decided to call a Sidecar, which came quickly. We gathered our bags, stuffed animals, music, and red blanket, and walked out to the car in my leopard pajamas. Parked way across the street, the walk seemed unbelievably far and difficult, but I made it. Once in the car, I told the driver, “FYI, I am in labor.” He looked totally freaked out and I could tell he was scared, but he did not kick us out of the car. Calmly, we started driving, yet the transition to the car was extremely hard. It was scary outside and having the contractions in the car took everything out of me as I tried not to scream in front of this stranger that had now entered my birth experience. I breathed hard and made a few noises, but did okay. On the way, Manny called the doula and told her to meet us at the hospital.
We finally made it to the hospital, only to find the front closed and locked. So, we got back in the car and drove to the back, where we walked in the Emergency section, but we could not find a single person in sight. We took an elevator to the third floor, but it was the wrong one so we came back down, lost. Where were the elevators? Barely able to walk and freaking out, we eventually found the visitors elevators and went up to the third floor area of Labor and Delivery. We told the nurses our names and they put us in a really small room, much smaller than the delivery rooms I had seen. I was scared. Where was I in the process of this labor? How many centimeters would I be dilated? What if they told me 3 centimeters and I was stuck laboring in this tiny room?
The midwife, Denise, came in and she was extremely calm, nice, pretty and reassuring. She calmed me down, and her badass, cool, demeanor helped me to trust her. She told me she was going to check my dilation and she did, in between contractions. When she finished she told me I was dilated 8 cms, and I felt extremely proud. That had been our goal. I felt like I had not been crazy and our labor had progressed exactly how we wanted. She told me they were going to move me to the big room, and asked me if I could walk by myself to the room next door. I said yes, and once I took two steps in the hallway, I heard a pop and my water broke everywhere. I told them confidently that my water broke, and decided to take a shower first thing in the new room. A Zann trick. I got in, but the water never got hot. It was freezing and stayed that way, so I got out, and just shivered, naked on the toilet.
It was around this time that I felt an urge to push. Terrified of this bearing down stage, I felt like I had to go poo and the thought of pushing out a baby seemed so daunting and overwhelmingly undoable. How would I do it? I was scared if I pushed too hard I would poo instead. I didn’t believe I could ever get her out. But this huge new urge felt undeniably better and less painful than the contractions: different. So I started lightly, pushing when I felt the urge. They told me to hold my breath and push. Manny, Denise, Irene the nurse, and Farrell the doula surrounded me supportively, but I just didn’t think a baby would ever really emerge from my giant belly. I thought they were tricking me, creating some sort of hoax to make me believe I could do it. Apparently something bad happened in that every time I pushed, her heart rate dropped. So they said they were calling the OBGYN, and Denise said that he would be there in 10 minutes and I needed to get the baby out before that. I didn’t. So, he came, stood, stared and they urged me along. Then a pediatrician came and they had all these tools out. Looming in the back of the room like ghosts, I felt the urgency, and kept pushing, harder, harder, harder, again. I could feel it was getting closer but I was terrified to push too hard. It was so scary. They said they might have to use a vacuum. In this moment, the idea of getting assistance with this ordeal sounded appealing, but really, deep down I knew I didn’t want the vacuum to be part of this story. So I pushed harder and they said they could see her hair and I was close. They asked me if I wanted to touch her head and I said no. Too scary. They asked Manny if he wanted to catch her and he said no. Probably the same. They said push and said they could see a hand or something and that I just had to keep going. I could feel her coming out of me. Part of her was now a part of this world. I pushed with every ounce of energy I had left, and then a beautiful baby girl just came right out of me.
She was covered in blood and white stuff and they put her on top of me and she was so beautiful. Perfect. Unbelievably overwhelming. Tears streamed down my face as I took in this brand new little person for whom I was now responsible and whom I knew had already changed my life forever. I started shaking, convulsing. I didn’t know what was happening but the feeling of joy, comparable to none other, consumed my body. Later the midwife stitched me, Manny cut the chord, and I birthed the placenta. My birth was the most beautiful day of my entire life and I know my life will never be the same. I am not the same. I have this little girl named Scarlett Grecia Mercurio-Corao who is the most perfect creature I’ve seen in my life. She is healthy and so small, and Manny and I are working together beautifully as a team. She is the manifestation of our dream come true.
